Fight for the Write

I feel compelled to write—about me, about my family, about a fictional character, about anything really. I've felt this way since my fourth-grade teacher, Mrs. Shellabarger, got me writing in a journal. But the compulsion is matched by an opposition that is frequently as powerful as or more powerful than my drive. It pushes me to watch television or play a game, anything but write. Throughout my life, I would let months pass by without writing anything. Then I would feel extremely guilty, and I would spend hours trying (and failing) to catch up on all that had happened in my life. I’ve missed recording the births of my babies and the passing of loved ones. It even took me several months to write anything about my own marriage. This urge has only increased in recent years. 

I finally returned to school ten years after graduating from high school. I had finally figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. The only job I had always wished I could do was not a comedian, or a firefighter, or an oral surgeon (all of these were on my “what I want to be when I grow up” list at one point), but a writer. The Lord finally compelled me to stop wearing out my body to make a living and use the best asset with which He blessed me—my mind. That has not made things any easier for me. Just one semester away from graduating with a degree in professional and technical writing, I still find it extremely difficult not to slip into the ease of following the opposition. I sit down to write and end up playing a game instead. I know that if I am to make a living in writing, I have to establish a routine of writing, yet I continue to slack. 

And I love writing. I love putting my thoughts on paper and discovering, in the process, what my thoughts are. I love the final product, and I especially love the enjoyment that others get out of the final product. I have spent most of my thirty-one years writing for an audience of one. It’s time to get my work out there and to give myself, in the process, someone else to whom I will be accountable. 

Apparently, I am not sufficiently motivating to myself. But every time I have had a deadline, every time I’ve had an assignment due for school, I’ve buckled down and gotten it done. This summer, I’ve set some pretty lofty goals for myself. I’ve decided to spend at least an hour a day preparing to take the GRE (graduate college entrance exam). I’ve decided to spend half an hour to an hour every day exercising and getting my body back in shape, and I’ve decided to spend an hour every day writing (a minimum of thirty pages of fiction). I set these goals about a month ago, and I’ve done pretty well with the first two. But, at least with the exercising goal, I had accountability. I posted my goal on facebook on the first day, and I’ve posted an update at the beginning of each week. I haven’t missed a single day this summer because I can’t go to my friends and loved ones and tell them that I gave up. So now I have posted my other goals as well, and whether anyone reads this or not, it is here for anyone to read. I will feel accountable if I fail to post. There is no looking back now.